Last night it hit me like a ton of bricks, my biggest cheerleader, my off duty therapist may die. She may die before ever really hearing how much I love her, and it's not just something I can tell her over the phone, but something she can hear, absorb, feel, and understand. That her love and affection has molded me into who I am today. She's given me the tools to be a good mom, she's loved me when I wasn't lovable, she's held my hand through the toughest times in my life, and I'm terrified of losing that. I want her to understand how grateful I am to have her as my mom, how lucky and fortunate to have her in my life, even if it may only be for 30 years.
And while I continue to hold my breath, and wait for the news, good or bad...all I can think is, "You can't go, I still need you."