Changes

It's taken me a few days to sit down and write, yet again, seems that every time I try to make time, I get pulled away.  Not today friends! 


My boys with their shaved heads



This week has been particularly hard on all of us, unfortunately we had to say goodbye to our two kitties.  Blake and I have had them for years and years, heck, they could have been considered our first babies!  But due to Brinley being sick, and at risk of neutropenia (unable to fight off infections) it was for the best.  Not just for us, but the cats have been acting out for a while now, and started using my dining room carpet as their own personal litter box.  After using every trick in the book to prevent them, we eventually had to rip up the carpet and replace it.  That being done we thought that the cats would stop...nope they found a new place.  So after sitting down and talking about it, Blake and I both concluded that the cats were obviously unhappy and they needed to find a happy home.  On Saturday I loaded them into the back of my jeep and took them to the SPCA for adoption. I cried my eyes out, it was much harder than I had anticipated, but I had to suck it up, and move forward.  It seems to be a familiar feeling. Keep calm and carry on. 

I called my mom crying because, honestly how much more can I take?

This Thursday Brinley had her lumbar puncture, and it went very well. My Thursdays usually start off at 6am. I get myself ready, brew some coffee, fill out Brinley's charts (her medication doses/times/reactions/bowl movements) everything is documented in case there is a hidden red flag, the doctors and myself have a reference.  Then I get Brinley and Carter ready for the day, pack Carter's school snack, and make sure his homework reading sheet is filled out. Brinley is usually a train wreck in the morning.  She cries about being poked and having to have her lumbar puncture, which she refers to as her "big sleep"  it also means no food. I put her "magic cream" (numbing cream used over the IVAD to avoid any discomfort) And away we go! Last Thursday my friend was able to watch Carter in the AM and take him to school, then Carter took the bus home because Blake was home.  Thank goodness for friends!

We arrive at the hospital at 8am and the nurses access her IVAD, flush it with saline (which according to Brinley "taste yuck"), and draw blood then they send it off to the lab.  Around 9am we see our Dr. and go over the weeks events (this is where my charts come in handy). Then we wait for the LP...usually scheduled at noon. It's a long day, thank goodness "the beach" is there to pass time or else Brinley would be going stir crazy.  It even seems longer if Brinley isn't well, and then all she wants is to cuddle and sleep. Usually her LP's go very well, but I have seen my daughter go under anesthetic 8 times and it doesn't get any easier. My heart just aches watching her little body go limp and they shoo me out of the room.  The LP takes about 40 mins, enough time for me to grab lunch, read a few chapters in my book then head back up to oncology before she arrives back. After ALL of that she's usually good to go home, they check her vitals, and de-access her IVAD. Then we go home.  This week I was happy that her personality didn't, she was still bubbly, fun and very old diva Brinley.



This was taken the day Brinley went into the hospital for being "sick"
before she was diagnosed.

 On a side note I'm noticing Brinley is becoming more and more familiar with her illness.  She reminds me before bed, every night, "momma, don't forget my chemo at night time", or "all of my hair is falling out because I have chemo all the time, and when my chemo is over my hair will come back".  She also knows what oncology means, and that she has cancer...these are all words I wish she never had to learn, words, and phrases I wish were not part of her vocabulary, and she was still ignorant to.  But they are, and she's not...and this is our life, this is her life now.  I'm sure it will make her a stronger person, I'm sure we're all getting stronger day by day, I just wish it wasn't so hard.