Well week one is over and Brinley's is kind of unraveling a little. Today was her second dose of doxo and she didn't tolerate it quite as well, she lasted an hour before she was feeling sick, and had a bit of a vomiting fit. Despite the zofran she still has moments where she is just so sick to her stomach. Yesterday she was very withdrawn and quiet, I asked her if she felt sick and she said, "no I just don't feel good today" when asked what that meant she said "I just feel far away from my body", I think that best describes what she's feeling internally. Even though today was a short appointment, and by short I mean 45 mins from go, to stop, she was unusually cranky, and moody (rightfully so) but we've never had an issue with Brinley being a difficult patient until today. It could have been the dex, or the foreign feeling she has right now, but she was a bit of a challenge.
In the midst of all of this I'm starting to learn more about myself and how I deal with the challenge of being a parent to a sick child, also a parent to a child who has a sibling that is sick. For one, I have way more patients that I ever gave myself credit for. The constant "I want __" and "no I changed my mind" has made me realize this even more. I also have more emotional moments in the car when I'm alone, and I am able to deal with much more stress than I had ever imagined. Something I have learned is that cancer has put my life in perspective, it forces you to prioritize in life and become focused on the simple things in life rather than the frugal, monetary garbage some people are fixated on. I suppose it's a bit of an upside because your life no longer revolves around the nonsense that use to consume you, instead you take nothing for granted, no goal or step is too ordinary or too small It's too bad it took my daughter getting cancer for me to see the bigger picture in life. But I'm glad I see it now.